I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
