I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
