3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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