i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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