you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
