State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
