just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize