I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
