honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so that wasnt chicken after all
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
