She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
