well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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