He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
