ADVERTISEMENT

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

  Fav 16 3483 967

  share tweet
  

• (810): View more from Michigan

  I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday

  Fav 34 847 6343

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably

  (1-404): View more from Georgia

  No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars

  Fav 6 5941 862

  share tweet
  

• (812): View more from Indiana

  The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.

  (812): View more from Indiana

  Ah, my reputation precedes me.

  Fav 25 1988 4745

  share tweet
  

• (214): View more from Texas

  Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before

  Fav 17 2199 4749

  share tweet
  

• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.

  Fav 18 3968 1268

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (613): View more from Ontario

  She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"

  Fav 8 3432 1132

  share tweet
  

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5

  Fav 9 1339 824

  share tweet
  

• (540): View more from Virginia

  It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.

  Fav 0 747 946

  share tweet
  

• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?

  Fav 2 887 473

  share tweet
  

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed

  Fav 2 1149 664

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  Tell me how you feel about belly buttons

  Fav 3 635 548

  share tweet
  

• (309): View more from Illinois

  But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.

  Fav 11 493 650

  share tweet
  

• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.

  Fav 1 372 191

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (716): View more from New York

  Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.

  Fav 0 16 53

  share tweet
  

Randomize