she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
