Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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