I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
