I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
