I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
