The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
