You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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