left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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