Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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