At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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