Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
