Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I am naked and annoyed.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
