Say something about gay babies.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
