I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
