Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize