I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
i think my cat just said my name.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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