That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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