So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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