This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
