I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize