hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
