Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
