I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize