You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize