i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
