I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
