I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
