Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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