My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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