just tell him i said nine months
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Randomize
