weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
