he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
