The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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