youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
