It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
