what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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