The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
