I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
