I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
