I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
