Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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