FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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