you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
