u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
