so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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