omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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