If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
