yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
