I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
These tits shall not be calmed
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
