just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
