His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
