So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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