Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
