It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
