Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
that's an acceptable place to lick
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
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