You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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