Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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