well I can't set my house on fire every night
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
