I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize