I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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