id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
