Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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