Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
