**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
